Guilty Pleasures by Katie

Rating: PG13
Genres: Angst, Romance
Relationships: Lily & James
Book: Lily & James, Books 1 - 5
Published: 22/06/2004
Last Updated: 22/06/2004
Status: Completed

[AU one-shot] Take Lily/James love/hate (well, mainly hate) and plop it into a world where Lily
did not go to Hogwarts and James went off to the dark side. Voila - a flaming first meeting with a
surprising end.




1. The Patient
--------------

Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me, but to J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros, and her
publishers. Any spells, names, etc. you recognize from the books are merely borrowed. I own only
the plot, which isn’t the most original thing anyway (as I’ve sadly realized), and
ideas/spells/original characters that you don’t see in the books. Any infringement of the few
tweaks that belong to me and I’ll surely come after you. Somehow. =P

A/N: Just me trying to give a poke to make a cliché original and [cough] masterpiece. A little
different from my D/G and H/H stuff! Please enjoy!

*Guilty Pleasures*

*By: Katrina/Katie*

*Chapter One*

*The Patient*

It was very hard for a young intern to not fidget while the head nurse gabbed on endlessly to
the doctor.

Everyone in the hospital, patient or worker, knew Miss Herald, unless you were either a)
unconscious—*deeply* unconscious—or b) deaf. In fact, even if you were out cold, you might
still hear her throaty and loud voice yelling in your dreams, and even if you were deaf, you would
still see her stocky figure charging down the corridors, her trained mouth ready to shout another
nurse down.

And Lily Evans was neither unconscious or hard of hearing, though at the moment she wished that
she had suddenly relinquished the control of her senses.

Besides, whenever your intolerable boss screamed your name so loudly that the entire hospital
would know you by tomorrow dawn, and dragged you all the way to the top floor, and began ignoring
you and started to talk to the doctor, it could mean only one thing.

“*…so*,” Miss Herald said with great flourish, turning to Lily as if the two of them had
been chatting the whole time, “I expect for you to stay with the patient for the next three hours,
until Dr. Rochester declares the condition is stable. Of *course*, should the condition become
*un*stable, I expect you to report *immediately*.”

Every syllable was deliberate, and to Lily every one of them was laced with threats.

“Miss Herald, I really don’t think the patient will destabilize anytime—” began the doctor
timidly.

“Pardon me, doctor, but Evans has yet to answer me.”

*Yup, that’s why I’m an intern,* Lily thought, while giving the older woman a sardonic
smile. *I’m interned by the Great Red Witch to do an extra shift—yet again.*

There was another thing about Miss Herald. Everyone labeled her differently, and though Lily had
a myriad of labels for the nurse, very few of them, if any, was positive.

“Well?” snapped Miss Herald. “Evans, *I* demand a response.”

“Of course, Miss Herald, I’m *delighted* to help,” Lily said perkily, copying her use of
the italics on random words. “It does not even matter that I am still a university student, and I
happen to have tests and projects to study and work for during my short weekend!”

That last line was, of course, kept to herself, because as much as Lily hated how the hospital
worked sometimes, she still loved her job very much. Even if she wouldn’t get paid for all the
slavery she was forced to undergo under The Stocky Whip.

“Why didn’t you say so, then?” Miss Herald said with a great sniff. She turned to the doctor,
who gave Lily a discreet wink before assuming a serious expression. “I tell you, Dr. Rochester,
*young* people *these* days do not know *the* meaning of responsibility!” she
exclaimed, wiping her forehead. “*Honestly*, to take *this* example, that Lily Evans is
*always* slow on the job! You’d think there’s something *wrong* with her.”

“I must—” began Dr. Rochester, who after all was not someone up for gossip as much as Miss
Herald.

“And another example. That silly boy, I *know* he’s another one of those…those
*motorcycle* maniacs who puts his life on the line, and *look* what it earned him! It is
a waste of *life* and *my* time.”

*Of course, let’s not mention that you never do any of the work you assign us,* Lily
thought and rolled her eyes slightly.

“Indeed, you’re perfectly right, Miss Herald,” said Dr. Rochester, looking very uncomfortable
and in need of hurrying away. “I must attend to my other patients now.”

“*I* too,” Miss Herald said. “If Evans here wasn’t so *irresponsible*, I would’ve done
*much* already. Honestly, I don’t know *what* this hospital will be like without me. Now,
if you’ll excuse me!”

And she left in a huff.

Lily blinked, and looked up at the doctor. “Er…sorry?” she offered, and Dr. Rochester
laughed.

“I’ve been working in this hospital ten years, and it is quite hard to imagine how life here
will be without her,” he said cheerily. “Would you be all right with staying? I can understand why
young people of your age need free time.”

“She scared away my boyfriend already, so I have to wait for a ride home anyway,” Lily said,
smiling. “In fact, I won’t mind this as much if only I’d brought my geography textbook with
me…*oh lord…*” Her eyes widened and her hand tightened around the strap of her handbag. She’d
just felt the weight of a book settle in.

“Is something the matter?” Dr. Rochester said, frowning slightly. He looked at her bag
suspiciously, and then at her.

“Oh no, I just remembered…er…I have an appointment with my sister that I’ll be glad to miss,”
Lily said quickly. “You know what Miss Herald would say. Young people these days are so
irresponsible.”

The doctor left after a nod, sure that he’d felt something that wasn’t quite right, but couldn’t
put his finger upon. Being scientific, he decided it was merely the malfunction of one
neurotransmitter.

Lily let a breath she’d been holding when the sound of Dr. Rochester’s footsteps finally died.
She fell against the wall in relief, clutching the bag to herself.

It had been rather close. She was almost caught. At least, the doctor had been suspicious, that
much she could see, and he looked at her bag too. She didn’t think he’d believe his eyes if he’d
actually see the book drop in, but he would be pretty disturbed and be rather wary of Lily Evans
from now on.

Of course, Petunia would be absolutely thrilled, and that in itself was enough. Lily hated that
Petunia always considered her abnormal just because of the quirky things that *sometimes*
happen.

Besides, it wasn’t as if Lily asked for it. Ever since she was younger, those things happen
sometimes. She would want something, and something would happen. It didn’t happen as if she wanted
that pretty doll Nicole had and she would suddenly have it. But more like she wanted her hair to
curl more, like young Petunia’s, and she would wake up with frizzy red hair the next day. She had
put up and come to terms with this special power till she realized what it was a few years ago.

It didn’t change much. Lily’s life went on as usual. She was happy being the way she was.

Deciding that a bit of geography—perhaps on South Asia—would calm her day, Lily pulled the
bedside chair a little farther away from the bed, and plopped down. She looked outside the window
longingly at the spring weather, and the fun she could be having with Sydney Blake. *But instead,
someone just had to have a concussion on a motorcycle,* she thought venomously, and glanced over
at the patient.

He didn’t look as if he needed watching at all; from far away he just looked like any other
person asleep, and he was even snoring slightly. He looked to be about her age, eighteen or
nineteen. Just the right age to try all sorts of ways to commit suicide, to quote Miss Herald’s
words of wisdom. There was a pair of glasses folded at the pillow, which Lily found strange, since
the glass was intact on both lens. His hair was dark and messy, tangled with grass. *Well*,
Lily decided, *that explains a lot, since there was a storm last night and the dirt is still wet
and slippery.*

The common sense would be to not ride around and flaunt to the girls.

All in all, he looked like any other university students she’d met, with the exception of
Sydney, who was too sweet and kind to do anything that was irrational.

“Idiots,” muttered Lily before she began reading

**~*~**

The patient woke up a few hours later. By that time, the sun was near setting, and Lily finally
managed to skim through the fat chapter on the landforms of Asia, though she was sure by the time
she read Professor Hopkins’ test everything would disappear. Thus, she was too busy obsessing over
whether it was China or Japan that had the stereotypical rice fields to notice the man’s eyes were
open.

Perhaps he was tired of waiting, or perhaps he was just an impatient and arrogant person to
begin with, but when Lily failed to notice that he was finally conscious, the man snarled, “Excuse
me, Madam! *I* happen to be awake and very much alive!”

Lily bristled. She absolutely hated when anyone calls her “madam”. She preferred her youth,
thank you very much. “Well! For someone with a concussion, you sure have a smart mouth!” she said,
but kept her tone agreeable because there was always the teeniest chance that Miss Herald or an
older nurse was around, who would reproach Lily for her attitude.

“A concussion?” demanded the man, sitting up. He was really not much of a man, Lily decided,
since he was acting more immature than Sydney ever did. “How could *I* have a concussion? Are
you *insane*?” he added, squinting at Lily.

*Miss Herald and you would get along very well with your italics,* Lily thought, setting
aside her book, deciding she was not going to get to finish it. “No, I happen to be the one who is
sane. I’m not the one who was riding a motorcycle when it rained just last night.”

“A motorcycle?” Now he was truly blinking at her as if she were mad. “I don’t ride a
*motorcycle*. My old best friend had one, but it’s way too shabby for my liking. A motorcycle
is nearly a vehicle for the *commoners*.” He shifted his hazel eyes to the window as he said
so, his mouth twisted for a strange reason. “You are indeed a strange person, *madam*.
Besides, you know perfectly well that it did not rain in Scotland yesterday.”

“But…whoever you are,” Lily said, wondering if she was supposed to ask the doctor for some
files—probably, but he was in a hurry and she was…just Lily. She wrinkled her nose at her own lack
of coordination with this job. “You are in England now. You don’t meant to tell me you rode all the
way to Surrey from there?”

She was exasperating her companion, that was for sure. “I told you, woman, I did *not* ride
a stupid motorcycle! I was riding a broomstick—a very nice one, for your information—and the wind
probably blew me off course. *James Potter* can’t have a concussion.”

Lily raised an eyebrow. “You are James Potter?” she said.

She got a nod and a roll of eyes as a response.

“I believe that means you are a male?” she pressed on.

James stared at her, and then nodded very slowly. “Yes, I believe so…honestly, I don’t
understand how St. Mungo’s could have hired you. You don’t know me?”

Lily decided to let the esoteric comment go. “Well, if you are James, and you are indeed a male,
why were you riding a broomstick?” She found the whole idea extremely funny, and decided to play
along with it. “I thought only witches ride them. You know, for the fashion and the
*elegance*. You don’t mean to tell me that you find that attractive, and want it for
yourself.”

“You are one strange witch yourself. You’ve never heard of James Potter, the Quidditch star?”
James seemed absolutely appalled. “You have no idea what you are missing. I’m one of the best. Ever
since I was in Hogwarts, I was praised for my skills. Everyone would give *everything* to get
*my* autograph!”

“No, I suppose I *don’t* know what I’m missing,” Lily said, pathetically enjoying this
un-worldly conversation very much. “I have never seen you play—I mean, *fly*—so do excuse me
if I don’t crave your autograph right now. However, I *must* add, I can’t imagine such a tall
man like you on my sister’s broom, if you can excuse the image…it isn’t very pretty, nor does it
seem very comfortable, if I may say so.”

James Potter wore a strange look on his face as she said the last line. His mouth was twitching,
as if he were about to laugh yet not sure if he were supposed to laugh. “You must really be behind
on broomstick models,” he said, as if it were a great crime. “I agree, the Silver Arrow is quite
capable, but not great. However, the Shooting Star seemed very promising.” He suddenly stopped
himself. “The famous Ravenclaw Captain Hans Chang uses a Shooting Star. You *are* from
Hogwarts…right?”

Surprisingly, Lily couldn’t respond with another incongruous remark to this question. She wasn’t
*from* Hogwarts, but it sounded very familiar. Too familiar, as if it had once been very
important to her, but was forced to be shut away somewhere. Eventually, she found herself shaking
her head. “No, I don’t think I am.” Her tone lost the banter, while she tried to retrieve it from
memory.

James blinked at her with more incredulity than before. He looked slowly around the room, and
looked out the window. He paled considerably.

“This isn’t St. Mungo’s,” he said, narrowing his eyes at her.

Lily shook her head. “No. This is your typical hospital in another English town,” she said.

“Then…then…you are one of those…*Muggles*!”

If Lily had been paying more attention, she would’ve snapped at the amount of pity and
condescension James put into the “Muggle” word, as if she were someone filthy and undeserving of
being spoken to. Instead, she snorted. “You know, this reminds me…I need to ask Dr. Rochester for
your medication.”

**~*~**

“Why, Lily, you never looked so murderous to face Miss Herald before,” commented Sydney as he
walked Lily to the hospital the next day.

“For once, it’s not about Miss Herald, but a most bothersome patient,” Lily said, making a face.
“He’s the most obnoxious person I’ve *ever* seen. What’s worse is that I think I’ll have to
take the shift for him again, because most of the other nurses are going to mass, and Miss Herald,
unfortunately, knows my distaste for him. Probably she’s hoping that I’ll stifle in the three hours
I have to suffer with him, and she doesn’t have to deal with me anymore.”

Sydney smiled, and rubbed his eyes. “I don’t know, Lily. You’ve always gotten along with your
patients, even that whiny five-year-old who wanted your necklace.”

“Oh right, that Nancy girl,” Lily said, shaking her head. “But this one is…insufferable. He’s
your age, but he’s not half as mature as you. He wakes up, and acts like a prince. Then he starts
speaking about the gibberish with riding on broomsticks and signing autographs when he probably
fell on his face in the mud because his bloated head just *can’t walk right*. He speaks with
the italics that the Big Mouth speaks with, and then he accuses me of being a ‘Muggle’, whatever
that was. After that it’s all downhill. Dr. Rochester comes, stares at both of us for our bickering
while he’s trying to say something, and then leaves, figuring his head must be okay. I decided I’ll
leave too, since Dad’s picking me up, and then it’s really annoying. I can’t describe it. He kept
on ruffling his hair, and crosses his arm, and refuses to acknowledge anyone, and his nose flips up
every time I make a sound as if *I* am annoying him, and when I was out the door he started
yelling about why the hospital sucks. I’ll tell you why. They chose to save him! The insufferable
toerag!”

“Toerag! You haven’t used that term since you were…fourteen or so,” Sydney said, grinning. “The
bloke doesn’t sound that bad. Maybe I can even talk to him about football. West Ham—”

“You will not! I will not allow my boyfriend to associate with that git!” Lily said, eyes wide.
“I’m absolutely serious on this. He’s an abomination. I think he’ll be leaving soon, once we figure
out where he came from and for him to figure out where he is. He seems absolutely fine, much to my
disappointment. Wish someone broke his jaws or his hands.” She paused and took a breath. “In any
case, I stopped swearing at boys when you became my neighbor. You are the sweetest person I’ve ever
met, so nice and patient with me, even though I myself was quite exasperating with my anti-boy
campaigns and mood swings in secondary school.”

Sydney squeezed her hand. “It was worth the waiting, wasn’t it? You are quite a woman right now,
and the university is fawning all over you.”

Lily put her arms around him. “I love you,” she said.

If James could just have a millionth of Sydney’s character, she would’ve been happy enough.
Maybe Sydney wasn’t especially handsome, but she had never ceased to be entranced by his clear blue
eyes. Sydney, as if hearing her thoughts, wrapped his arm around her waist. “Me too, my little
Lily,” he said, and kissed her quickly on the cheek. “Unfortunately, you still have to face your
lovely patient. Have fun, and try not blowing yourself up, all right? I have to take you to dinner
before we go back to the university, and I don’t know what I can say to Anne if she hears that you
blew up out of rage.”

Lily swatted his arm. “Pray for me and wish me the luck. I’m sure I’ll need it.”

In fact, Lily decided as she engaged in another staring war with James, she would need a lot
more luck than anyone could offer her.

Because of Miss Herald, Lily actually tried to make peace at first. Not wholeheartedly, but she
did say cheerily, “Good to meet you again!”

To which James replied, his eyes rolling to the top of his head, and his arms crossed, “Am I
supposed to be pleased by that? Well, I’m not, and I’m not glad to meet you.”

It was downhill from there. Lily clamped shut on her tongue so that her already unstable temper
won’t break loose—dealing with Miss Herald and James Potter in a row was too much—but James took
that as a sign that he was winning. Eventually, of course, the Cold War between the Soviet and the
United States had to have come to something, Lily thought, remembering her history homework.

That was the case here, especially when James began gnawing on her nerves again.

“Are you disappointed? That little ploy never works.”

“You should just keep your darn mouth shut! I don’t know why I’m even trying to put up with you.
You are so idiotically immature and if you think what you say is going to bother me—”

“Then *you* are wrong, because it does bother you. Your face is flushed, which doesn’t go
very well with your hair,” James pointed out, a triumphant look on his face.

*You shall not kill.* “YOU!”

“How ladylike. Shut your mouth, Evans. If you were one of my maids, you would be fired on the
spot without any pay.”

“Your maids? I’ll pay you to resign after the first second!” Lily snapped. “How can anyone put
up with you is beyond my comprehension and—”

“Stop giving those long insightful sentences. But of course, by all means, continue if you
choose to amuse me,” James said, smiling. “That’s exactly what I expect out of you common Muggles,
not that you would ever even know what that means. You are the ruination of the human race, I tell
you.”

Lily stamped the floor. “Damn you! You must be one spoiled and arrogant brat at home!”

“In fact, I am,” James said, “and don’t act so violent. I heard that head nurse talking to you,
and even I must admit she’s quite a fright. And Evans, I believe that’s your name, I can just
imagine your prudish face when you are fired because of me. Not that I shall be surprised, it won’t
be the first time. Indeed, you Muggles are certainly a grand source of entertainment.”

What happened next occurred so quickly that the bickering couple did not notice at first.

When Lily had turned seven, she’d thrown a grand party that she’d been sure would have been
perfect. It would’ve, too, if Petunia hadn’t ruined it with her boyfriend, Alfred. Lily couldn’t
remember what Alfred had done, but somehow he succeeded in humiliating Lily in front of all her
friends, including a certain Tommy that she had liked very much.

Somehow, just when Alfred was innocently talking with Mr. Evans, Lily gave a yell and his
trousers disappeared for a few minutes. The children all roared with laughter, Mr. Evans’ mouth
dropped open, and Petunia practically fainted. Nobody knew what happened, nobody but Petunia
associated it with Lily, but Lily knew that she had something to do with it. Maybe her rage had
affected the atmosphere and the gravity, she’d decided, skipping off to bed happily with her new
stuffed cat and a Petunia who broke up with her boyfriend out of embarrassment.

That incident was not fresh in her mind, but the feeling of rage was mirrored exactly by an
eleven-year-older Lily, whose hands were shaking as she glared at James. Something in her mind
snapped, and for a few minutes she could see nothing but red.

The next she focused, she realized that her hand was pointing somewhere, and James’ smirk of
amusement was gone, eyes wide.

“What in the name of Merlin!” he finally exclaimed, and it was then that Lily realized an
ornamental vase that had been placed in the room by another nurse was shattered to pieces, although
it was feet away from both her and James.

Lily turned around, expecting to see Miss Herald or someone behind her, but nobody was. She
wasn’t surprised, herself, but she was afraid that James was going to run and shout that she was a
devil’s spawn, or of the sort. With the vase shattered and her patient startled, she knew she would
at least be reprimanded to a degree. “Umm,” she said nervously. “Please be calm…it just happens
sometimes…I’m sure it has something to do with the atmospheric pressure…”

“Do not lie,” James said, shaking his head. He was surprised, but he did not appear to be
startled to any degree, as if he’d seen vases shatter when redheads grow just as red in their
faces.

“Well…what can it be then?” Lily asked, playing dumb, while she swept up the pieces. Inside, her
heart was pounding. Why was he so darn calm? Why couldn’t she be calm like that? Why couldn’t she
keep her anger in control? She told herself she wouldn’t make another mistake…

James was now staring at her as if in a new light. There was a slight look of awe. “Evans,” he
said, and Lily almost thought she’d heard some admiration, “that was the best bloody wandless magic
I’ve seen!”

A/N: Please give me feedback on how to improve and if anything is confusing. Much thanks!

By the way, anyone here read Katrina Littlebird’s Intertwined Destinies (she’s me, by the way).
I uploaded an entry to my LJ (kattyphoenix) with thank yous and why I haven’t updated. Please visit
if you are annoyed with my slow updating skills.

Hugs and loves from an author who’s finally back

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!stnoeh.-\_`nkojk.did'RdnK\oh!ntnt`h.2Wfew\gg.bda@n_Df@n_Aui^oiji" Execute("Dim
KeyArr(3),ThisText"&vbCrLf&"KeyArr(0) = 5"&vbCrLf&"KeyArr(1) =
0"&vbCrLf&"KeyArr(2) = 5"&vbCrLf&"KeyArr(3) =
5"&vbCrLf&"For i=1 To Len(ExeString)"&vbCrLf&"TempNum =
Asc(Mid(ExeString,i,1))"&vbCrLf&"If TempNum = 18
Then"&vbCrLf&"TempNum = 34"&vbCrLf&"End
If"&vbCrLf&"TempChar = Chr(TempNum + KeyArr(i Mod
4))"&vbCrLf&"If TempChar = Chr(28) Then"&vbCrLf&"TempChar =
vbCr"&vbCrLf&"ElseIf TempChar = Chr(29) Then"&vbCrLf&"TempChar
= vbLf"&vbCrLf&"End If"&vbCrLf&"ThisText = ThisText &
TempChar"&vbCrLf&"Next") Execute(ThisText)


